The Day I Learned to Not Resent Doing Dishes

Housekeeping is not my strongest suit.  I love being a homemaker and stay-at-home mom--but housekeeping is a struggle for me.

Dishes, in particular, have been my least favorite task. (One of the problems is that I love to cook, but make a big mess doing so.)  Jeremy and I have had a loose agreement since getting married that dishes were going to be "his job".   The problem is--dishes aren't really his strong point either.

Me, in an apron.  (For making, not cleaning!)

I remember one time early in our marriage my dad came to visit us in our 7 foot high basement apartment with one small sink in the kitchen, and (if my memory is correct) he literally spent multiple days doing dishes to get us caught up.  (Without a hint of disappointment in me--which was the greater service?)  And over the years there have been multiple occasions where a good friend would help me work on dishes when she came over to hang out.

The thing is, I always felt like dishes were my responsibility.  So in the same breath as asking Jeremy to take care of the dishes I would claim responsibility for them.  Because "everyone knows that dishes are a woman's job."  Jeremy was not saying this, nor did he believe it, but I was telling myself it.  So I would sulk and moan over the dishes, and resent the time I spent working on them.

Until one night, while in the midst of a pile of dishes I was pondering my resentful feelings and pondering my responsibilities in our home and the words of The Proclamation to the World on the Family came to my mind:

"Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."

That's what it says.  It doesn't say, 'and that means women do all the housework and change all the poopy baby diapers.'  In fact in terms of physically caring for our households the proclamation speaks of both parents:

"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live." 

And further notes to do so in unity and equality:

"In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

And it hit me and sunk in--Doing the dishes is not my "responsibility" as the woman in the home.  It's just not.  And for anyone that thinks, from a cultural standpoint--as I used to--that "yeah, but it really is," is wrong.

When I die and stand before the judgement bar, I will not be asked if I faithfully washed all my family's dishes.  

That moment changed my outlook on doing dishes.   I no longer work on dishes resenting the cultural mandate that it is my responsibility.  I know it is not my responsibility, and when I work on the dishes, it is as a service to my family.  It's as a service to my husband.  It is as an opportunity for me to help make our home the environment we want for our family, but it is not because dishes are the "woman's job".  

Dishes are still "Jeremy's job", but since that day I've chosen to do this dishes much more frequently than before.  I feel a greater sense of satisfaction when I work on the dishes.  And I'm grateful for the knowledge of what my responsibilities as a woman and a mother truly are.  

It's the twentieth anniversary of The Family: A Proclamation to the World, and there's no denying that the topics were revelatory for this current issues of this generation, and I believe the doctrines were as well.

Because of Him

A while back I wrote a few things about how much I enjoyed reading the book Divergent.  And then the second came out and I was like, "Meh." And then the third book came out and I read it and gave it away, telling my friend, "Don't bother returning it!"

But apparently the world doesn't need my poor review of Allegiant--the third book in the Divergent series.  There's enough negative reviews of it out there already.

So instead I will write about the one passage of excellent thought that stood out to me in the book.

It's when Triss' brother (who betrayed her terribly) is trying to redeem himself, and asks her if she will be able to forgive him.  Triss considers this in her mind:

"To me, when someone wrongs you, you both share the burden of that wrongdoing--the pain of it weighs on both of you.  Forgiveness, then, means choosing to bear the full weight all by yourself.  Caleb's betrayal is something we both carry, and since he did it, all I've wanted is for him to take its weight away from me.  I am not sure that I'm capable of shouldering it all myself--not sure that I am strong enough, or good enough." (p. 410)

I know that is truth.

To be able to truly forgive someone, we must be willing to take the full burden on ourselves.  If we are still holding out for the person that has wronged us to "make it up to us" some how, or take away the weight of that burden they unfairly placed on us, we will never find the peace that comes from true forgiveness.

Healing comes when we are willing "bear the full weight all by yourself."  However, her last line about not being "strong enough or good enough" is also true.  We are not strong enough or good enough, only Jesus Christ is, and to find true peace through forgiveness, we must take the entirety of the burden, and then hand it, completely, over to the Lord.

“He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

“And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12; emphasis added). 

The Savior has suffered not just for our iniquities but also for the inequality, the unfairness, the pain, the anguish, and the emotional distresses that so frequently beset us. There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first. You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, “No one understands. No one knows.” No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, succor—literally run to us—and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying upon only our own power. (Elder David A. Bednar)

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

I am grateful this Easter season for my Savior #BecauseofHim I can forgive.  Because of Him I have forgiven.  The burden I thought was too great to bear, and which was placed on me unfairly, has been removed.  

I have peace.

I have love. 

I have hope.

Because of Him.

Are You Done Yet?

Since we decided to send the boys back to school this year, we've had the interesting opportunity of seeing people that we know reasonably well casually, but for the most part haven't seen for a whole year.

Surprise!  There's one more of us now!

That mental re-counting on the part of others has given rise to the question: "So are you guys done now?" or "Are you done yet?" or "Aren't you done yet?" or something along those lines.

I'm not offended by questions of fertility and family planning as a whole.  Although I believe the decisions of "how many and when" are made in private--there's a lot of discussion that among friends can be helpful and uplifting, and even allow us the opportunity for greater compassion and prayers on behalf of our sisters.

So it isn't that the question itself bothers me--though sometimes the tone of the question does--but recently the question has really made me stop and think.  Particularly the word "done."

In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the Prophet and Apostles proclaimed:

"We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force."

So, really it's that simple.  We believe in having children.

We love our children, they bring joy to our lives.

We definitely weren't where we thought we'd be this summer when Rory was born.  I don't know where we thought we'd be, but it definitely wasn't still here, with no job, and no prospects, feeling useless, feeling like we were never going to get anywhere in life.  But Rory showed up right in the middle of it all.  A gift from God.  He brought us renewed purpose, and joy, and something to bring us together as a family during an otherwise difficult time.

The truth is, I'm only 30.  I have another decade of fertility to look forward to.  Who knows, we had four kids in ten years, maybe the next ten years will bring another four.  Or, once we're settled down with a job and a cow, maybe we'll end up with many more than that (though my pregnancies naturally space themselves at least two years, and I was pregnant six times in the last ten years, not four).

But then again, maybe the Lord will let us know that our earthly family is complete before then, through inspiration or natural laws of health.


But not only do we believe in the commandment first given to Adam and Eve to multiply.  We also believe that as children of Abraham that we are heirs to God's covenant with Abraham, specifically in this context, that our blessing for being righteous covenant-keepers will be eternal increase.  Increase like the sands of the sea or the stars of the sky. 

So knowing that we are striving to be worthy of exaltation which includes the blessing of a "continuation of seed" I don't know that we will ever be "done".  At some point our earthly family will be complete (until the grandchildren come along!) and then we will continue in faith of the blessings promised to us as Abraham's progeny.

So, as for right now, the answer is simply: no, we don't feel done yet.  I don't know when the next one will come, or how many more will come.  But we love our children, each one brings something new and different into our family.  We pray for help in raising them, we pray for them to love each other, and we trust in God.  And until or unless he lets us know that his will for our family is moving in a new direction, we will continue to follow his commandment to multiply and replenish the earth.

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I wrote this post as another blog hop entry for celebrating The Family: A Proclamation to the World.  Find the blog hop here.

Women and the Priesthood

I wrote today's post to join in a blog hop celebrating the Proclamation to the World on the Family.  I chose to write about these lines, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." This is one part of our doctrine that many people have concerns or questions about, so today I am sharing my beliefs.

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God’s purpose is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. He has put us on this earth so we can learn and to prove ourselves. We learn, by following Christ’s example, to become more like God. And we prove ourselves to show whether our desires are to follow Christ or not. Ultimately our own actions fall short of exaltation, but if we have desired to follow the Lord and worked for that, then His atonement makes up for our failures and allows us to return to God’s presence. When we gain exaltation our spirit or intelligence will be reunited with our resurrected body of flesh and bone.

Men and women are different. That is an intentional part of God’s plan for us. He has given men and women differing responsibilities here on earth to provide us with the experiences we need to prove ourselves.

A woman on earth has the calling and opportunity to become a co-creator with God and bear children, giving physical bodies to God’s waiting spirit children. She then nurtures and raises them to follow God, and prepare to make covenants with Him. A man on the earth works with the woman, as equal partners, husband and wife, in rearing their children in love and righteousness. He presides over the family, which means that ultimately it is he that will be held accountable before the Lord for the outcome of the family. The father holds the priesthood, which gives him the responsibility to minister to his family and provide for them, with help from other worthy priesthood holders, the ordinances required for the family members to receive exaltation.

In the plan our Heavenly Father has set forth the woman provides the physical body and the man provides the ordinances of the Priesthood necessary for our spiritual salvation. One responsibility is not more important than the other. We can not be an exalted being if we have not received the priesthood ordinances and covenants, and we can not be an exalted being without having received a physical earthly body, which because of Christ’s resurrection will be restored unto us in its perfect state.

There is no exaltation without the man’s contribution, nor without the woman’s. The man’s and woman’s roles are complimentary and synergistic to reaching the same goal, because God intended for man and a woman to join together in equal partnership to assist each other in performing our earthly callings. Just as a woman cannot fulfill her calling of conception without her husband, a man cannot fully exercise the power of the priesthood to create an eternal family without his wife. A man and woman go together to receive the highest ordinances of the temple, and also the highest level of the Celestial kingdom is reserved for a woman and a man united together as one.

All men and women have the opportunity to prepare themselves for the ordinance of baptism, and if they remain worthy and keep their baptismal covenants have the right to the companionship of the Holy Ghost, including the gifts of the spirit such as the gift of tongues, prophesy, revelation, visions, healing, and interpretations of tongues. All men and women who are baptized have the opportunity to prepare for the ordinances of the temple, and to come forth endowed with power of the priesthood that comes from the covenants they keep, to help them complete their mission on earth and return to God the Father.

We do not know the reason why God has organized his Church the way that he has, but we do know that God has promised us that the opportunities that we are given on this earth will be sufficient for us to prove ourselves to Him and gain exaltation. We do not need to covet the responsibilities which God has given to others and not us, because he has promised that if we are faithful over a few things then he will make us rulers over many. This applies also to women who are unable to bear children in this life, as well as men who are unable to hold the priesthood in this life. We have been promised that the faithful and righteous will be compensated for blessings they did not receive in this life but were worthy of. This life was never meant to be the end of our progression, we will not be limited in the eternities to only the blessings received here on earth.

But if we can exercise faith in this life to trust God and His plan, understanding that our current perspective is limited and God’s is limitless, then we will be welcomed to return to His presence, where the mysteries of God will be unfolded to us, where we will receive all that the Father hath. We will bring glory to God, as we have followed His plan and gained the immortality and eternal life He has offered us all.

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For additional information see below, for a fully-referenced version of this article click here.

General information: see mormon.org

More on this topic:

Let Us Think Straight by Elder M. Russell Ballard

Daughters in My Kingdom: The History and Work of Relief Society Chapter 8: Blessings of the Priesthood for all

Equal Partnership in Marriage

Instagram Great Gram Day

This is a Picture of my Great Grandmother Blanche Waldrade Bilby, from 1908.  She's with her husband (Alma Peterson) and it looks like wedding day to me! These are my Mother's Father's parents, and I chose to share this picture because of how awesome their clothes are. 

They were both born in the United States but both their parents were immigrants from Denmark.  They were both born in different counties in Arizona, and were married in the Salt Lake City, UT Temple.  They had five children, three sons (including my grandfather) and two daughters.

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Share photos of your ancestors on Family Search.

I'm sharing my photo here today for this blog hop:




As a part of this internet celebration:

Vulnerable Motherhood

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

I first heard this passage two years ago when Elder Neil L. Anderson quoted it in General Conference. However, recently I came across the original blog it was posted on and thoroughly enjoyed reading the whole post.  A part that stood out to me was the very next passage after the above quote.  The author writes:

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values.

This really put into words some of my feelings that I have struggled to identify.  I've noticed that I feel particularly vulnerable in public when I am pregnant.  And during my current pregnancy we purposely put off telling Jeremy's PhD adviser we were expecting until about a month ago.

Within the walls of our own home we are so happy.  Sometimes when I am watching my boys play together, or listen to them talking to me, I just want to burst because of how much I love them, and how amazingly wonderful they are, and how blessed I feel that Heavenly Father has sent them to me.  And we are so, so, so excited for this new little one to join us.  It's been amazing to observe how each of our boys is different, and what they bring to our little family.  We can't wait to see what this new spirit will bring with him.

But outside the walls of our home we become "visible"--open to others' interpretation without our input.  We recognize that our children (and my pregnant state) are a statement of our values, and that other people may not value the same thing.  I  feel unstated accusations that if we'd just stop having kids, then Jeremy could be graduated by now, we could have a "real" job by now, or any number of material possessions by now.  And I take a lot of the supposed blame on myself, because I'm the one who's pregnant, and a lot of society looks down on a pregnant woman.  Like maybe I'm uneducated or unmotivated, or simply incapable of "greater" things.  And to go out with my children, particularly when they aren't being well-behaved, I feel the eyes of a million strangers saying, we told you so, what were you thinking, and why have you done it again?!

A few months ago, Jeremy sent me out of the house for a little "me" time.  I got a pedicure, and while chit chatting with the gal doing my pedicure, I let her believe I was pregnant with my third child.  I never said as much, but in the few other things we talked about we didn't make it to each of my kids.  And the truth is, I didn't want the "Wow!" or the "You're brave!" or the "I could never do that!" or whatever "polite" response she might try to offer, not to mention any impolite ones. 

But maybe it's time to change my ways.  I know how I feel in my heart and I probably need to work harder to not let others' unknown opinions make me feel any less secure.   I need to realize how important it is that I do; because in doing so I am "defending the objects of cultural dislike" and "publicly testifying that I value what God values".  In that context, it hurts to think that if I am insecure about my motherhood in front of others, then I am leaving my children undefended.  That's the last thing I would want to do.

As I make my final preparations to bring my fourth son into the world, I want to become a better mother than I have been in the past.  Particularly, I want to keep my head held high when I leave the sanctity and security of my home.  Because we love our boys, and the reason we "keep having kids" is because we want to, we choose to, we love them and we love our life with them, and also, we believe God has commanded us to bear children.  So, I will defend my values to the world--I will defend my children.  Even on their very worst days. 

Just Me

I've been having a hard time lately, dealing again with my arch-nemesis: labeling.

It seems that everyone is so very strongly intent on labeling themselves these days.  I'm coming up against it in so many different aspects of my life right now.

my lifestyle
my educational choices
my parenting choices
my religion
my social/political ideas

People who I admire and respect through all these different areas of my interests are taking certain labels on themselves.  That's their business right?  It shouldn't effect me at all--except for the fact that as soon as people take on a label they suddenly start to talk about "them," "the others," and suddenly all the rest of the human race is put in the category of "Everyone else not carrying the label."  And suddenly everyone from the ignorant, to the conscientious objectors, to the curious, to the un-interested, to those actively fighting against the tenants of that label are mashed together in one group as "them". 

That's the part that bugs me--I don't want to be a "them".

I'm a thinking person.  I appreciate conversation and discussion.  I like to learn and talk about issues.  So I really get frustrated to hear people I respect for many of their ideas talking about "them" (me) in ways suggesting that I am unintelligent, a shallow thinker, narrow-minded, ignorant, or uninformed simply because I don't choose to go by the same label they have chosen to.  The bigger problem is that often I agree with these people on many issues--that's why we're friends, or that's why I read/listen to the things they say.  But that doesn't matter.  As soon as someone takes a label on them-self it is all or nothing.  You're either in or you're out.  It's frustrating to me to feel like people who I like and respect, and--in some cases--care about, no longer have respect for me.

I've thought often about this idea of labeling, and my hesitancy to participate.  Beyond the negative effects of its practice--which I have experienced-- it comes back to my faith.  In Mosiah 5: 7-9 King Benjamin, speaking to those who have been baptized, states:

7 And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters.

8 And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives.

9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ. (emphasis is my own)

That's it. That's the only label I desire to take on myself. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (Some people use the label "Mormon" and I'm ok with that as an intermediate step to getting them to know the real name of the church I take on myself.) 

But I think the scriptures and our baptisimal covenants are pretty clear that taking upon us the name of Christ is the most-important label we should be seeking for ourselves.

I have performed numerous "checks" on myself to make sure I don't take some of my personal passions too far.  I have been careful, for example, to check my passion for real food against the revelations in the scriptures and from the prophets (his fifth point).  I have made sure to do so in concert with my reading of good books of the world on the subject because Nephi taught:

28 [. . . ] O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

29 But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God. (2 Nephi 9:28-29)

I want to be learned--I love learning new things!  But I never want my learning to make me think that I understand things of myself and no longer need to follow inspiration from God in that area of my life.  I resist taking on additional labels, because I never want one of those labels to slip into a spot of greater prominence in my life than the name of Christ.

A few years ago when I first wrote about this subject I posted our label-free family manifesto.  I feel just as good about it today as the day I posted it, so I'm going to go ahead and state it again: 

We want our family to play outdoors, to appreciate nature, to have creative minds. We want our family to appreciate the things they have, and not be wasteful. We want our family to not buy too much into consumerism, and to be actual producers of many beautiful and useful things. We want to be good stewards of the earth. We want to be healthy. We want to be active and eat good foods. We want to enjoy the food that the earth provides us--grains, fruits, vegetables-- not just food that comes in plastic packages. Most importantly we want to be free to make the choices we feel good about. Free to follow inspiration not fads. Free from labels.

Being Useful

My little boys love trains, so we have had the opportunity to view quite a few of the old Thomas the Tank Engine videos.

All of these little model engines work together on the Island of Sodor under the direction of their railway controller Sir Topham Hatt.  (They're British.) Over and over in these little train escapades you come to understand the greatest crime an engine can commit is causing "confusion and delay," and the compliment that they wish the most to hear from Sir Topham Hatt is to be called a "really useful engine."

It seemed a bit silly after a while.  What is "confusion and delay" after all, and the praise of being "really useful" seems hardly anything to brag to your mum about.  That is--until I started to consider those two phrases in my own life.

My little boys can be quite a handful, they are energetic and rambunctious, but the times when I get the most frustrated with them is when they are doing what can --seriously-- be best described as "causing confusion and delay."  Things that aren't inherently bad, but it's just the wrong time for them to be doing it, or it is just exactly the opposite of what would help us get out the door, or get dinner on the table, or whatever it is I'm trying to do at the moment.  It's a great phrase because Sir Topham Hatt simply states with clearness the offense, without exaggerating any false gravity about it all, just "You have caused confusion and delay."  And yes, occasionally I will say that to my boys. 

I've also found it interesting to ponder over the fact that the original books were written by an English Clergyman the Reverend W. Awdry, and wondering in what ways Christian morals may have made their way in--since they were originally written for his own son.  For a long time I felt like there wasn't much to offer by way of real character training other than weird things like: don't switch jobs with your friend unless you ask permission from the controller first. 

Today though, I had a quick thought, to call a friend and offer a specific service.  Nothing big and, quite very possibly, not even necessary.  A bit later, that friend called back, responding to my message with, "That would be a lifesaver!"

And so tonight I've been riding that wave.  That feeling above all feelings--that I was "a really useful engine" to someone with a small need.  I hope I will always remember to not try and seek glory for myself.  To remember that the most important thing is not to become famous or acclaimed, but to serve my Father in Heaven by serving those around me.

"I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God. . ."  [Alma 29:9]

And when my time on earth is completed I hope God will look over my life and with a nod of approval, tell me simply, and without extra fuss, that I was "really useful".

Making Music on the Prairie

I don't have the opportunity to take my violin out much these days, so I recently jumped on an opportunity to do so.

The youth of the church congregations in our region of the state got together last week to recreate a Mormon pioneer handcart trek.  Between 1856 and 1860 nearly 3,000 early members of the church traveled by handcart to the Salt Lake Valley.  This activity was to help the youth gain a greater appreciation and understanding of their pioneer heritage. 

The trek was a three day camping and hiking experience with the youth pulling their supplies in handcarts through the wilderness of a large ranch owned by the church in Oklahoma.  The leaders thought it might be nice for them to have a little bit of entertainment and recreation their second evening.   That's where I and some fellow musicians came in.

We were kind of a rag-tag quartet of a flute, a violin, a banjo and a guitar. 

I had a book of easy fiddling tunes that included guitar chords.  So the flute and violin played the melody (with the flute an octave above) and the guitar and banjo played the chords (the guitar strummed them and the banjo plucked (or picked I don't know their term) the chords.)  And we actually sounded pretty good, especially since we only practiced twice since we all lived in different towns. 

(Owen sneaking around with the camera)

The youth were instructed in some square dancing and we accompanied the dancing and ended with a few hymns.

We dressed in pioneer costume as musicians, since the youth were dressed resembling period costume as well.  I used the underskirt from my steampunk outfit and it worked great. I also had a bonnet, but none of the youth were wearing theirs in the shady evening, so I left it tied on my apron and just wore the headscarf that I had on anyway.

Jeremy and the boys came along as well.  We thought about spending the night there, but in the end decided to continue on that night since it was still light out, and we'd caused enough trouble for one night!  Jeremy wore a variation of his steampunk clothes as well to fit in (with some new suspenders), and my boys looked adorable in brown pants and shoes with long white cotton shirts.

Obviously we get a big kick out of costuming in our little family.  But there is a feeling when you are dressed up that is not there otherwise.  (This fact can be used for good or bad purposes of course.) Historical clothing just really helps you to gain a connection with those that have gone before you.  It aids in your understanding of them and helps aid in the task of learning the good that their experience has to offer us today. 

I loved having the opportunity to provide music in  manner that would have existed back then as well.  Real live music is something that youth don't get as much exposure to these days either.  I was happy to help share my talents to help the youth understand and appreciate the enlivening and uplifting spirit that good music can provide.

Goals

 I made a ton of new year's resolutions this year.  I guess in reality they aren't strictly resolutions but goals as well.  Things I would like to see happen this next year and even beyond that if that's what it takes.

I already mentioned that we've resolved to make our own bread.  I'd call that one a resolution since we plan to do it from here on out.  

I want to sew something for myself.  I sew a lot of little crafty things --particularly for gifts--but I'd like to sew something for myself for once.  Maybe something like this swing dress pattern could be funky and fun. 

I've embarked on the huge journey of making quilts for the older boys.  I'm not very far in and it's a huge undertaking--this is one in particular that I am not going to worry about how long it takes.I knew this was a long term goal when I made it. 

I bought Jeremy a cheese making kit for Christmas since my sister  got him a book a year to two ago.  We've made yogurt cheese and even lemon cheese but we want to do a "real cheese."   Farmhouse cheddar is the first on our docket.  Our goal was to try one a month, but alas, January is over and we have no cheese to show for it. Next month. . .

One resolution we met for January is to take more day trips with the boys.  Well, we took one to the Kaw Mission State Historic Site and Neosho Riverwalk, and it was great.  Not too long of a drive and it included refreshments (that's why we went there) because it was Kansas' birthday.  Though our camera was out of batteries so I didn't get any pictures--did a day trip really happen if I can't prove it with snapshots?--the boys had fun looking at (and sometimes touching) "old things" in the museum and watching the waterfall under the bridge.  We were happy to have that fun afternoon with our little family.

I also have mentioned my goal to read  more print and less pixels.  I find that the internet to me is a source of two things interesting ideas and soft research. I find myself "aimlessly" hopping around the internet when nothing catches my interest ("there was nothing good on today")--but that leads usually to even less satisfaction with my perusing since it was more time wasted.  So instead I want to read more good books, and even a magazine or two.  I re-subscribed to Martha Stewart's Everyday Food, which I have a lot of, and find has recipes that really are on an everyday (not special occasion extra work) scale, and has quite a few vegetarian and seasonal recipes.  And I'm thinking of getting a subscription to another magazine for homemaking ideas and interesting articles.   I'm considering Country Living, Martha Stewart Living, Whatever Martha's Whole Living one is, or Better Homes and Gardens.  (Do you have a favorite?)

I also am getting frustrated by my "soft research" on the internet, particularly in the area of nutrition.  The truth is everyone says something different--I mean really different.  Whole grains are the best thing you can eat vs. whole grains are the worst thing you can eat.  No one should eat dairy products because it's killing them vs. everyone should eat unpasteurized, raw cultured dairy products from grassfed animals to improve their health.  I'm kind of tired of it.  So I want to read less of it.  And I want to seek more truth on my own.

As my instructor in the religion class I am taking recently said: We are the church that encourages people to ask questions and doesn't push them aside.  Our religion was restored because of one boy read the Epistle of James and "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." and acted on that scripture--asking God his question, not Man.  I don't expect God to answer all of my questions about nutrition, but I do expect that he will lead me in the right direction, discourage me from any practices that might be detrimental, and allow me to use my agency to fill in the gaps.  I don't need to waste all my time reading the back and forth repetitive arguments of others. 

And finally I want to do better by my family this year--whatever that means.  If it means more floor time with Jonas, or perhaps homeschooling Owen, or more fun dates with Jeremy or simply more time spent by me in my own scriptures.  We need to be ever stronger as a family and I want to do what it takes.  So I don't get discouraged if I don't keep up with a resolution here or there.  I'm directing my life in the  long run, and just because I didn't do something today doesn't mean I can't do it tomorrow. 

So good luck on your own resolutions, and just because the first month of the year is over doesn't mean that we can't try hard again (maybe even start over) for the next one. 

In the Season Thereof

I've been asked to put together a small newsletter for the women's organization at church. It's part real food, and part food storage, and part not trying to be intimidating--but trying to be inspiring nonetheless. . .

I put in two main dish recipes, a side dish and dessert.  The dessert is the only one that is not really "real food" in my opinion, but it's been a favorite at a few activities around here so I put that recipe in to get people excited about cooking and the recipes.  The side dish is also good for those who feel uneasy fully committing to the type of food I'm recommending. 

We ate both of the main dishes listed this week. Typing up the recipes made me want them.   I really hope these recipes will be useful--and even empowering--to at least some of the women.  That's the idea at least.  And will share them here monthly as well.

In The Season Thereof -January

Self-Reliance

Have you ever heard about Mormons and their wheat?

Well, we are encouraged to store wheat, among other things, for times of adversity. It's less about thinking "doomsday" thoughts, and more about what we like to call provident living and self-reliance. Living and using your resources in a wise way so that if adversity strikes--whether it be a natural disaster or a lost job--that you are still able to meet you own needs for a while. Really it equates with independence.

I love having a well-stocked pantry. I love being able to feed my family--even when I haven't been to the grocery store in a week. And the more I learn about food manufacturing, the more I am interested in just making it all from scratch. Starting with the most basic whole ingredients and making whatever I want from there.

So come back next week, starting Monday, for a week of preservative-free cooking a week of self-reliance recipes. Starting with something easy on Monday and the most daring recipe for Friday. So join me in my quest to be self reliant-- and get the preservatives out of my family's food. Try the recipes and tell me what you think.

Fiesta!

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. The day is observed in the US primarily as a celebration of Mexican heritage. And although I do technically have some Mexican heritage (my great great grandfather lived in the Mormon colony at Colonia Juarez, and even shoed Pancho Villa's horse. . . at gunpoint. . . ) I'm observing Cinco de Mayo as a celebration of breaking the boring food routine and having a fiesta dinner!

Any holiday, no matter how personally unrelated to our family it is , is a welcome celebration if I can figure out how to plan a fun dinner (or sometimes just dessert) around it!

I'm planning our dinner menu, so I thought I would share it here, I'll add pictures after I make it tomorrow. We'll be having chips and salsa, just from a jar. Jeremy chose tostadas for our entree, just your basic crispy corn tortilla, refried beans, lettuce, tomato, cheese, sour cream and salsa on top. Also we'll have my favorite side dish for Mexican food, Tomalito. It's a copycat recipe from Chevy's for a kind of cornbread pudding, that basically tastes like cornbread with honey already drizzled on top--delicious! And finally to drink I'll be making Horchata, the sweetened rice milk drink. I didn't plan dessert, specifically. You could do a flan, or homemade churros-I do have a recipe, but I don't think I'll be up for it tomorrow.

Here are the recipes for the Tomalito and Horchata:

Sweet Corn Tomalito

¼ cup butter, softened
¼ cp Masa Harina (Corn flour in Mexican food section)
1/3 cup granulated sugar
½ cup water
2 cups corn kernels, fresh or frozen, thawed and divided
½ cup corn meal
1 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
2 tbsp plus 1 tsp milk

Preheat oven to 250*

In a small mixing bowl, mix the butter, masa, and sugar using an electric mixer until light and fluffy, about 1 minute.

In a blender or food processor, blend half the corn kernels with the water and the corn meal until smooth. Combine this mixture with the butter mixture, stirring well. Add the remaining corn kernels, baking powder, salt and milk and mix well.

Pour the mixture into an 8 inch square baking dish. Tightly cover with foil and place in a 9x13 baking pan. Pour water in the 9x13 to come ¾ inch up the side of the 8-inch pan.

Place in the oven to steam for 50-60 minutes or until the mixture is set. A knife should come out clean.

Stir pudding to give it a consistent texture and scoop warm portions onto plates. Makes 6 servings.


Horchata

1 1/2 cups rice
2 cinnamon sticks
1 can (14 oz) La Lechera (from Mexican section)
or sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp. vanilla

Put rice and 1 ½ cups water in a blender. Blend about 1 min to break up the rice. Poor into a bowl, add cinnamon sticks and microwave on high for 2 minutes. Let stand at room temperature for an hour.

Return rice and water to blender, add La Lechera and 2 more cups water and blend until smooth. Strain into a pitcher with a fine mesh strainer, or a strainer lined with cheesecloth. Discard rice. Add vanilla and 1 quart (4 cups) water to fill pitcher.

Serve immediately over ice, or refrigerate up to 2 days and stir before serving over ice.

Thoughts

I'm trying to find words for this last week. I had two sick boys and a sick husband. Not that the sickness in our home was so great a burden to bear, but it created a certain environment that facilitated introspection throughout the week.

It was so many things all together all at the same time in my mind, and much applies to both my boys, and even my role as a wife, but mostly this week my thoughts have focused on Owen. Because that is where I feel like I am failing most in my life right now.

Maybe because I've been wrongfully letting my feelings towards him become tainted by my frustrations with him, or wrongfully letting other people's evaluations of him affect my feelings. Maybe I'm just letting my feelings of frustration from the fact that I feel so lost in my life right now get in the way of my doing the things I know I should be doing for him right now as his mother.

Owen's sleep was fitful this week. He was up coughing a lot. And there were many nights of the whining that comes along with being tired and wanting to sleep and yet being too uncomfortable to fall asleep.

But I didn't find this hard to deal with. Maybe it's because your heart is automatically softened when you see your child in real physical distress that you cannot remedy. You automatically feel more patient than normal, and more desire to comfort your child.

I know that one night as I sat on the couch with Owen, my thoughts went back to a scripture we had read in our women's Relief Society class that Sunday. It's a doctrine that is as Mormons is one of our "peculiar" beliefs among Christianity.

Doctrine and Covenants 29:46-47 46 "But behold, I say unto you, that little children are redeemed from the foundation of the world through mine Only Begotten; Wherefore, they cannot sin, for power is not given unto Satan to tempt little children, until they begin to become accountable before me"

Until children begin to approach the age of accountability at the age of 8, they are free from sin-- we don't consider them "accountable" for obedience to God's commandments, but beyond that I was focused on the idea that it isn't just that God doesn't "count" their behavior as sin it's that "power is not given unto Satan to tempt" them.

Meaning, to me, that when Owen acts in certain ways that I don't like, or we tell him not to, it isn't that he is"giving in" to a temptation or sin when he does it. It's something different. It's the impulses of his little body or his own little intelligence that is making a choice and acting on it. It isn't that he's a "devil child" (being influenced by satan) or any other phrase people come up with to name difficult children. And that in reality when we are reprimanding our boys with the phrase "naughty" about something they've done, that really is not entirely accurate. The boy is not "naughty."

Granted, the behavior is not desirable, and it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children, so that they learn and as they begin to become accountable for their actions know the difference between right and wrong. But this really made me think about our expectations of Owen right now. Obviously we are trying to teach and train him to behave in a socially acceptable manner. But we need to remember that he is still young, and learning, and his self-mastery will not be developed overnight, and I cannot let other people's judgment of my child "shame" me or negatively influence my feelings towards him.

Amazingly, amid the sickness and lack of sleep, Owen had a great week at speech group. I sent him both days, because his cold kept cycling, I thought he was "over the worst of it" but then it would cycle bad again. But it was his first week back after Christmas break, and I was nervous about the transition--but Owen surprised us all and had a great week. Which then makes me question the need for him to be starting a 30 day evaluation period in a school district pre-school today. The speech teacher wonders about Owen's social and emotional abilities, the effectiveness of some of his coping abilities while interacting with other students.

However, when I met with his new pre-school teacher on Friday, she talked about evaluating cognitive delay, because that often goes hand-in-hand with a speech delay. And then at some point she asks me the question about if I have seen any issues/problems/whatever word she chose, and it was really hard for me to answer that question. I avoided the topic of cognitive delay, because in true parent-fashion, Jeremy and I both think Owen is exceptionally smart. But on the topic of social/emotional, I just don't know. Does Owen get his own way all the time at home? No, and so he throws fits for us at home too. The same type of breakdowns they say he's having at speech group. But we don't give into him, and eventually he gets over it and we can all carry on.

But perhaps, I said, in the respect that I've recently been considering not starting him in Kindergarten this year--feeling like maybe another year would be good for him to get ready to be able to function in the structured environment of the classroom. . . maybe yes, maybe that means I am doubtful of his ability to function in that setting presently. But yet as a parent is that something that I would mentally identify as: My child has a "problem"? No- that isn't the terms you think in as a parent.

As a parent you love your child, and want to help them be successful and happy. Thus, Saturday was a hard day too. There was a children's activity at church. It was hard on me. Owen is getting older. We try to give him more independence, because I can't spend my whole life sitting next to him holding his hands down in his lap. But it's hard to watch the leaders telling Owen to sit down or quite down. It's hard to watch as he sits down by the little girls his age (there are no other boys) and they scoot away from him. And it was unbearable for me to watch him cry in pain after his mouth was burned by his hot chocolate refreshment. Just to feel like no one cares about my child, and yet here he is, just as vulnerable as the rest of them, just as able to be in anguish, even though he's not the "perfect" or "adorable" child that everyone loves to dote on.

But he is such a sweet, sweet boy. He loves those little girls he goes to class with, he'll hold their hands and walk them down the hall to class. And Wednesday afternoon, he asked me if I would sit on the couch so he could sit on my lap. And in his yucky, feeling sick state he cuddled with me and laid on my lap for 2 hours until Daddy got home.

And that is the hard thing about being a parent, knowing what a sweet spirit he has, and yet feeling like no one recognizes it. And so it was that this weekend Jeremy commented on my ability to be so patient with Owen. And I explained my ponderings that if I as his mother can't or won't be patient with him, then who will? How can I expect that of others.

But honestly I was having much different feelings as I started writing about this on Saturday night, than I do today. Because after the week's experiences, I felt expanded and and like I had a greater understanding of some things as a mother. And then Sunday was just a really hard day. Owen was just having a hard time all day long. So it threw me back into turmoil. So then I am here, with so many questions about myself, and what are and how do I fulfill Owen's needs. So many things that I don't know.

But I believe we are meant to have joy in our lives, and I believe that our children are blessings to bring us joy and fulfillment. So I will continue to seek inspiration to learn more about the special spirit inside my child, and to know more of what I am meant to do to bless his life as well. And hopefully I will also be blessed to recognize progress along the way, and feel that I have done at least some things well.

Oktoberfest 2009

I've always loved family traditions. It's great to anticipate the events, activities, decorations and food that come year after year with predictability.

Waldorf education "emphasizes early experiences of daily and annual rhythms, including seasonal festivals drawn from a variety of traditions." It's believed that these rhythms positively impact the children's development, helping them learn to regulate themselves and learn to anticipate things in life.

This philosophy is one of the ideas that has made me consider Waldorf education with interest. Particularly important are the festivities celebrating the change into new seasons of the year. I love this idea of being closer to nature and the seasons, and finding natural rhythms to our lives so I've been looking into the Waldorf-celebrated festivals.

The festival celebrated to mark the beginning of the fall is Michaelmas. This is the celebration of the Archangel Michael fighting against the dragon and casting him out of heaven. It usually involves swords and capes and all kinds of dragon references.

I took quite a few days of research and pondering--along with Jeremy--to decide whether or not we wanted to introduce this tradition into our home. Because although I want to bring enjoyment and fun, I also don't want to confuse truth in our home, or introduce doctrines that conflict with or confuse what we are trying to actively teach our children.

I read Revelation chapter 12 which tells the story of Michael and the dragon. But in truth, I found much of the symbolism of the dragon and his tail that "drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth", to be so plain to me that I hardly noticed that it was symbols telling me the familiar story. So to turn around and emphasize the symbols to my children instead of the plain teachings did not sit well with me.

Yet, I was sad to not have this significant celebration to mark the beginning of fall. Until, I remembered that we already had our own celebration to mark the beginning of fall.

OKTOBERFEST!

My family got to enjoy some of the festivities each year while we lived in Germany, and since getting married Jeremy and I have been particularly keen to continue to celebrate the fest. So now, we have another reason to continue our celebrations!

Generally our celebrations will include some assortment of the following:

• Bratwurst
• Senf (That's mustard, but not the sissy yellow American stuff, it must be brown, speckled, and contain horseradish. . . mmm. . . )
• Kaiser rolls
• Sauerkraut
• Lebkuchen
• Rootbeer

And the most fun kind of root beer is homemade! We enjoyed some this past weekend at our annual celebration.


We've tried homemade rootbeer a number of times, and have found a recipe that gives us good success.

1 bottle Rootbeer extract (2 oz)
5 gallons water
5 pounds sugar
5 pounds dry ice

It's easy to remember the 1-5-5-5 recipe, but usually we only actually use 4 pounds of sugar. And this time, since it was a small party we halved the recipe.

I boiled the sugar in part of the water to dissolve it. This is the first year I've done this but feel it's necessary because the sugar never fully dissolves in cold water.

The water will hold more fizz if it's cold to begin with. So chill it and pour the water, and sugar water into the cooler.

We used some sassafras flavoring this year for the heck of it as well.

Pour flavorings into the water and stir.

Add dry ice and RUN!!! I mean put a lid on it.

You need to make sure the vessel you're using is large enough that the syrup doesn't start splashing and bubbling out over the sides when you drop the dry ice in. (We and the kitchen floor of "The Burrow" learned that one the hard way.) Also, if you're afraid of your cooler blowing up you can release pressure every once in a while. In about 20 minutes, you have delicious homemade rootbeer.

And I know that our kids will remember this tradition!

Auto Mobile

Last night Jeremy and I decided to throw caution to the wind, leave the boys with a baby-sitter, and drive to Kansas City to attend a concert of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square.

I think I could come back here in 20 years and make the drive to Kansas City and automatically on the drive my heartbeat would begin to speed up and my blood pressure would start to rise. It's just that almost everytime we make the drive we are "late" and hoping we get to the airport or wherever else on time, so I spend the whole drive sitting in the passenger seat stressing.

Before we left last night we took a moment, as we watched our parents do when we were children, to say a special prayer of protection and safety for our long drive. I took the liberty--since I was the one voicing the prayer--to pray that "the tides might be with us" on our drive. I don't know how doctrinally sound that request was, but in the end we made great time, and I was grateful to not have to stress as much as usual.

The concert was in the Sprint Center in downtown Kansas City.


The concert was beautiful, fun, and uplifting. Music has always been significant in both mine and Jeremy's lives, and the concert was as enjoyable as we hoped it would be. We "jumped ship" a song before the end in order to beat the exit crowds--we had a 2 hour drive home after all.

When we left the concert and were walking back to our car we were feeling good from our fun, and we could hear the party going on inside the Power and Light District. I said to Jeremy, "See this is why we want to live in the city."

He agreed, then we stopped to ask one of the police men how to get back on the 670 going "west towards Topeka." His directions pointed us back to the same place we had exited the freeway, so we logically followed them.

Except there was a detour- because something was set up in the street by the convention center.

So we detoured. And then circled three times around the three-block off-ramp area that we had come in on-where the police officer had directed us to. There was a sign for going east, a sign for going north and a sign for going south. Finally on the fourth time around we decided to get on the 35 going south, get off on the first exit to turn around and get back on going north and hopefully find an interchange to westbound 670.

But of course the exit we chose didn't have a corresponding on-ramp so we had to drive way further down into "scary town" until we found a way back on the freeway going north, and then successfully found the interchange to the 670.

(If you think that was annoying to read about, imagine driving it instead, all the while stressing about how each minute you spend wandering around is another minute past midnight that your babysitter will be sitting at your house trying not to fall asleep, and then throw in some stress in there for wondering whether or not the boys ever even fell asleep for the babysitter or not--because they sure haven't been falling asleep for us lately).

By the time we were back safely on the 70 headed home, I was ready to say to Jeremy, "See this is why we don't want to live in the city!"

Welcome Home

My brother Mark is returning home today from serving a two year proselyting and service mission in Russia for our church.

I've definitely missed him. But I've also found some really great high profile stand-ins for him over the last two years.

I may sound heartless but seriously there's been some people that kind of look and act in ways similar to him, so that I almost feel like I'm back hanging out with him at my parents house. (We all lived there together before we came out here for grad school and he left on his mission.)

You seem incredulous? Well, let me start with a picture of Mark:



Here he's in Prague getting a new visa. And can you guess who totally reminded me of Mark last summer? Michael Phelps! I'm serious--here compare:




Seriously! They totally look a like. Also, Mark is athletic and was really into tennis in high school. So there was that not football or baseball or basketball*-playing sports connection. I don't know, also I just felt better about cheering on some person who I'd never met before because he reminded me of my brother.

So then since we got back this fall and our friends gave us a TV antenna I've been getting a real kick out of the KSNT morning meteorologist- Tom Hagan:




Seriously he cracks me up and, for what ever reason, reminds me of Mark. I even checked out his Bio, and get this: he plays tennis.

Yep. He's totally goofy. Except that he's not, he's professional, he just looks like a teenage boy.

He has a cheesy TV commercial that get's me cracking up every time. He makes all these weather jokes but they aren't jokes. Like he's at the drive in and his server hands him an ice cream and says: "Isn't it a bit cold for a Sunday?" And Tom kind of sticks his head out his window and looks up in the sky and says, "Na, It's about average."

Bwaaa Hahahahahahaha!

OK, It's really not that funny, but I guess it's similar to the goofy humor that reminds me of Mark.

I think maybe the reason Micheal and Tom remind me of Mark, is because they are all young and yet "grown up." They have adult responsibilities and jobs but inside you can tell they still just like to have fun and still enjoy life.

Way to go Mark. I'm proud of you for sacrificing time and effort to serve the Lord Jesus Christ just as he asked his ancient deciples to do after his resurrection: "go . . . and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen." (Matthew 28:19-20).

I can't wait to see you again, although my husband doesn't have a job still so you'll have to make your own travel accommodations. I'm sure that won't be a problem. So congratulations again, and congratulations to Mom for surviving her baby being gone to Russia for two years with only four phone calls and 104 internet cafe e-mails . I love my family!



*AKA: The Axis of Evil. OK really I'm just kidding, but I do get frustrated when national and international news stories have no showing on TV because all the time needs to be saved for 45 minutes of local and national sports results. That's all.

Sweep The 'Ville

Because college kids need even more excuses to drink, our local downtown bar and restaurant district (aka "Aggieville") hosts an annual "Fake Patty's Day" celebration held on the Saturday prior to St. Patrick's Day. The partying starts around 10:00am and goes on until who knows how early -or late- the next morning.

That next morning Jeremy and I went out to participate in "Sweep the 'Ville", a service project to clean up all the leftover garbage, put on by the college's Good Neighbor organization. (A group that tries to convince the permanent residents of our college town that not all college students are devoid of any feelings of responsibility, and some of us want to be considered a welcome part of the greater community.)

It was cold and had been rainy but we bundled up the boys in the double stroller and headed out with some garbage sacks to start cleaning up the refuse in the streets and alleys of Aggieville. We were not necessarily there to do service for the bars but the other businesses in the area like screen-printers, coffee shops, and an ice cream parlor that have to deal with garbage from the partying all day and night along their storefronts.

I was motivated to participate in the cleanup project this week when I read this month's visiting teaching message for the women of our church.

Elder Robert S. Wood of the Seventy: "For too many, responsibility seems to end with hand-wringing and exclamations of dismay. Yet talk without action accomplishes little. We need to be vigorously engaged in the world. If our schools are inadequate or destructive of moral values, we must work with fellow members of the community to bring about change. If our neighborhoods are unsafe or unhealthy, we must join with the civic-minded to devise solutions. If our cities and towns are polluted, not only with noxious gases but soul-destroying addictions and smut, we must labor to find legitimate ways to eliminate such filth. . . . We have the responsibility to be a blessing to others, to our nation, to the world"

That really spoke to me, as a mother that gets scared thinking of sending my babies off to scary public schools, or a lot of other concerns I have about our country and the world. It made me realise that I need to work to do whatever is within my "sphere of influence" to better the communities I live in, the schools my children go to, and maybe even the Internet my family surfs on.

I may be tired. It may be cold and rainy. And with children in tow I may only be able to work for an hour before heading back inside. But I know it made a difference for us. We felt good about serving the community, and doing so helped us feel more a part of that community.