Back to School

We decided to go back to school this year.

We all feel very calm about it.  That's the word I've decided on.  I can't say that it's Peace, or that I feel really good about it.  But I feel calm in the decision right now, and for me--regarding decisions about my children's education--that's saying a lot.

Jonas is 5 so he is of age to go to kindergarten here.  They have a full day program in our district, but we opted to pull him out after lunch every day.

One of my friends here said she asked her principal about only putting her daughter in half day, and the principal totally discouraged her telling her how much her daughter would miss out on and told her she'd be the only one in the district doing it. Well I told her I know for a fact she wouldn't be the only one, because I am.

I was nervous about talking to our principal as well.  But she didn't make any fuss over it or try to dissuade me at all.  I think it's because we have a "history," and she has seen that I will do what I want for our family, take them out, put them in, at any point I choose.

Truthfully, they do miss out on the things the school offers.  I picked up Jonas yesterday and realized that he hadn't participated in half the "special activities" that we'd been told were going to be going on during "color days" the first few weeks of school.  And I was sad, because he was missing out.  But then I remembered what we've been telling Jonas about how school is going to work for him: 

"In the morning you will go to school and after lunch we will pick you up to come home and play with Wyatt all afternoon."

And if he went to school in the afternoon, he would miss out on that.  

There is plenty of time for academics.  I don't believe the baloney that two years down the line students from full day kindergarteners will be ahead of half-day kids.  Possibly looking at full-day vs. half day programs as a whole, but certainly not comparing all full day kindergarteners to children whose parents opt out and choose to only send them half day.  That act in itself is an exhibition of familial support, not the only possible act by any means, but certainly shows a way that that family is choosing consciously to nurture their child.  That is wholly to the child's benefit.  And I don't think and principal could look me in the face and tell me that a greater level of familial love and support wouldn't increase the chances for greater success, in life and education, for every single student in school today.  

So that is our trade-off.  Jonas will be missing out on some of the kindergarten "academics" (he'll be reading by Christmas regardless), and some more activities, and all the fun PE, Music, Art, or whichever electives fall in the afternoon.  (Not that kindergarten is the only time or place one can be involved in those kinds of activities.)  And in exchange, he will be spending time with his family.  He will be building bonds of friendship and camaraderie with his little brothers that he will be able to fall back on at every future point in his life.

And that's a trade-off we are willing to live with.

Subtle Shift

I have recently been watching a subtle but fascinating shift within our home. My boys are changing--all of them.

 There are many times when I see them playing happily together--as a wonderful group of brothers.

But I've been noticing more and more often that Jonas and Wyatt are pairing off in their own little world together.

They play games, and make messes, and "read" each other stories.  They wrestle (more than I would like), and giggle, and make such a happy little pair.  

 And Owen?  He's off doing his own thing.  Reading, or working on his own little projects, generally growing towards a more independent state.

I've been amazed to watch his personal responsibility grow lately--starting to internalize some of the lessons that we've been trying to teach him (for forever it seems!).  Like, if he wants me to make some sandwich bread, then he can get started grinding the wheat; and if he's ready to have us get started making Jonas' birthday cake, then he can wash out the mixer bowl to help us get ready. 

So Jeremy and I have been discussing these shifts and developments, alongside our current life-situation, and musing that: Maybe It's Time.  Maybe it's time for Owen to venture farther from home, to express that naturally-formed independence, maybe it's time for him to leave home for his schooling.  And maybe his family is ready for that change as well. 

(Jonas' on Owen's first day of Kindergarten)

It's interesting for me to think back to our original motivation for keeping Owen home.  All other considerations aside--we simply felt it was too soon.  Too soon for him to be away from our family full time.  It felt unnatural, and even detrimental to our family unit.  But now, things are changing, it feels more like a natural transition at this point.

We've worked hard these past few years to help really establish a family identity.  To build his relationships with his brothers--to help help him recognize the worth of his family.  The world is out there attempting to tell a different story, but I wanted my son to understand and really experience the relationships within his family--and the importance of them--before he left home.

Because he actually has left home already, and I've already seen how quickly his allegiances shift to friends and his respect for authority switches to teachers.  It wasn't long before I was feeling like I'd lost him forever.  Who knows, perhaps I was being oversensitive with my first child--maybe keeping Owen home a bit longer was simply a personal emotional choice, or maybe it was guided by spiritual inspiration.  I still can't say at this point.  But I am comfortable enough with my choice now to say that I don't think it really matters which was true. We think having him home was good for him, and good for our family.

And now, we think he's ready for a new set of experiences.    

Changes

We aren't sending Owen back to school this year.

It's been a decision long-in-coming, hard and yet very simple at the same time.   Debates rage all around the issue of schooling, and yet all we can do is be true to ourselves and the desires we have for our family and our children.  Our peace about the decision has come as we did our best to block out any "supporting" arguments one way or another and trust our hearts. 

One year ago I got Owen dressed in a new outfit, packed his lunch and put it in his backpack, took his picture on the front porch, and walked him down to school with his little brothers in the stroller--along for the ride.  I dropped Owen off to line up in the gym with the rest of his class, then waited down the hall for his class to walk by on the way to their room.  I saw him walking along with the other kids, took his picture as he smiled at me, walked on past us, and disappeared into his classroom.  I sighed a brave sigh, then turned around to see this:

Jonas, absolutely devastated at being abandoned by his brother cried the whole walk home.  (He hadn't known we were walking somewhere together to go leave Owen.)  And as I walked I wondered what I was doing to our little family. 

Kindergarten was great for Owen.  He made friends, learned to read, had a great teacher, and didn't even get in trouble 1/8th of as often as I had expected.  There are always little things that bug you, but the main thing that bothered me was simply: Owen was gone from us.  And as the year went on it was the same issue: he's gone all the time. 

I have always acknowledged homeschooling as an option for my children.  We did a "mommy preschool" for Owen, and when we started Owen's speech therapy through the school district services I was a little wary wondering--but what if I don't put him in the school district kindergarten afterwards "will they be mad?".  I started considering homeschooling more seriously mid-year for Owen, and felt immediately strongly drawn to the idea.  But at the same time I did not feel an urgency, to remove him immediately.

But the more I thought about it the more I felt like this is what we wanted.  It's as simple as that.  Not "it's the best choice," or "most beneficial," or he'll be the smartest this way," or anything like that.  Simply--it is what we want. 

What we want is for him to grow up with his brothers.  That's how we always imagined our family.   For them to learn together, and play together, and develop invested relationships that they can each fall back on for strength later in their lives.  We want them to be outside in the natural world.  To spend uninterrupted hours playing out in the beautiful fall weather that will quickly be here.  I want my children to recognize me and Jeremy as sources of knowledge and guidance in their lives (though not the only source of course).  And I want to be privy to watching my children explore and learn, develop and grow.  But back again to the most important feeling--that I want them to do it together. 

Looking at that picture of Jonas breaks my heart.  If the major goals of sending Owen away to school can be accomplished without sending Owen away to school--then that is what we choose. 

We choose together.

Master Plan

We, as parents, have the responsibility to fully educate our children.

If we choose to we can delegate some of that responsibility to other teachers, mentors, and institutions, but particularly when our children are young the responsibility to see that education is happening still falls back onto the parents. 

In the book A Thomas Jefferson Education Home Companion (Which IS a book on home-based education, but don't dismiss it because you aren't a homeschooling family because you'll completely miss where I am going with this conversation) it talks about creating a Master Plan for the education of your children, and I found it completely fascinating.  Diann Jepson outlines nine key elements of an effective master plan.  Take a look:

Academic Programs--Some people may immediately fill in "Public Schools K-12".  But I think it is important to realize that that is a choice.  As I've considered the education of my children I've found some of the complete resistance to doing anything differently very interesting.  There is this idea that using the public schools is "just what you do"  because that's why it exists.  But there are other options for academic programs.  There's online schools and private schools and home schools.  As far as home schooling, some people might use full prepared curriculum that they purchase,  Other people simply have a house full of good books that they open often with their children. 

Classics: your list  -- If you ever said "Oh I loved reading that book when I was little.  I will definitely read that to my own children one day."  That is where this list comes from.  It's important to realize that classics exist in every field of study--who were the pioneers of that field and what did they produce?   Art, music, writings, autobiographies.  There's more to education than text books.

Cultural Literacy, Breadth and Depth --  Listing and considering all the topic areas that you find important in your children's cultural literacy can help you see where your personal list of classics, might need some supplementation.  Art, citizenship, geography, philosophy, major fields of science, architecture, government, foreign language.  Parent's all over put their children in "extra-curricular activities"  Do we choose those based on how they are helping develop our children into more well-rounded people, or because it was the cheapest option or what their friends were doing?

Adult skills  --There's always one freshman that gets to the college dorms without really knowing how to do their own laundry--I won't let that be my kid!  There's also cooking, knowing how to sew a button back on, and perform first aid.  Maintaining a car and bike, and basic household appliances and whatever skills might be important in your family situation.  And most of this skills education should happen at home, by way of example and teaching from parents, or neighbors or grandparents. 

Organizational Programs --These are programs in existence that you want to use to help your children develop skills and attributes you desire.  Boy Scouts, and Girl Scouts, 4-H, Suzuki, dance/science/math camps, church youth achievement programs, continental congress simulation etc.

Experience  -- Some experiences are things we just think our children should have experience with before reaching adulthood.  Public speaking, a musical performance, lead a group, create a small business and similar things.

Places to Go  -- Climbing mountains, visiting historical sites or other countries, a rafting trip or survival trek.  All the places that going in person will help to round out your children's education. 

God  --Obviously our plan for the spiritual education of our children falls outside the responsibility of any state-run schools.

Family Relationships   --How will you nurture the family environment you desire?

After you decide the "what" your children's education will consist of on the educational master plan, you outline the systems of "how" you will see to it.   So "Enroll son in 4-H at age 7, support his activities in it" goes on the plan as well as, "Family read-aloud time for a half hour every night at 7:30," to get through your list of literature classics. 

Reading through these elements of an Education Master Plan and how to create systems to implement it was so empowering for me.  So much of it was the type of intuitive planning I did before I was married and before I was a mother.

I grew up in a rich learning environment.  My mother had studied early childhood education, and was always providing learning opportunities for us.   She loved learning herself and that came through in the household we grew up in.  We went on hikes, visited museums, took classes, read books and I grew up desiring to do many of those same kinds of things with my own children. 

It can feel like a burden but is very important to realize that we are responsible for the education of our children, and also to realize that even if we've chosen to put our children in public schools that that doesn't mean their whole education is covered.  We, as parents, have work to do. 

Considering His Education

We recently reached the end of the school year and I am no closer to deciding what Owen's schooling will look like next year-- most importantly whether it will take place at school or at home.

I went ahead and filled out the paperwork to pre-register for next year in public school.  I also filled out an optional form expressing my concerns for consideration in Owen's potential classroom placement next year. (It's not a teacher request form--so don't be confused!)  Everything I wrote on the form was straight from Owen's IEP (Individualized Education Plan) but also aligned with the description of the classroom of the teacher I would choose--if I could. 

Jeremy supported me in filling out the paperwork.  As he said: "keeping all the doors open until we choose to close them."

In reality I am in complete inner turmoil over this all.  We decided to put the decision off until the school year ended.  And now it's here and Jeremy and I have to move past the theoretical discussion of home-based education versus public school (which we have actually enjoyed) and move into the realm of discussing our own life and children and the realities of our situation. 

Jeremy is also keen on the idea of "trying out" homeschooling this summer.  And so it was with the sound of school bells still echoing in our ears that we had our first homeschool lesson of the summer.  Owen, who is now reading very well, pointed at a website side banner saying "bu..., bu..., What does that word spell?"

"That's a hard one" I explained, "It's 'buy.' And actually there are three different ways to spell it."  So I grabbed a scrap paper in front of me and diagrammed the three spellings of [bahy] along with illustrations to show what they mean.

 

Owen said, "OK thanks." and ran off.

And that's pretty much how I see homeschool happening around here.  Teaching in the moment, facilitating more moments, and spending lots of time as a family and with his brothers.  Easy.

Except that it's not always easy, and there are things he'll miss not being in public school. There are pros and cons to both models of education, and to not acknowledge that is unfair to our children. But in the end a decision has to be made.

But, thankfully today is not "the end," and so today the decision waits.

Homeschool Wars

Educational methods are not eternal truths. There is no "one great education model" to be used with all students.  The mentality that there is one,  is one of the problems I see with public schools--it's a one-size-fits all model. The interesting thing is--I see a lot of the same mentality among homeschooling families.

One homeschooling mom wrote that she hesitated to define or label their homeschooling style because many homeschooling families end up worshiping their educational philosophy over actual education.  The more I've browsed homeschooling blogs and websites on the internet the more I see it is true. 

All of these philosophies basically boil down to a single person's ideas about education.  And they are great ideas.  But why should I believe that someone I've never met--and oftentimes isn't even alive anymore knew exactly what my child would need to become educated or what I would need to be able to help him on that journey?  That sounds just like how disconnected my child is from the state or federal education boards. 

I've done a decent amount of research on educational philosophies and so far believe that my ideal doesn't fall anywhere far enough inside one of these camps to even hint that my philosophy is modeled after theirs.  Though I do think they have many great ideas between the lot of them.

In no particular order here is an non-exhaustive list of some of the common homeschooling philosophies and some parts of the philosophies that I like and would see as a good fit in my children's education. 

Waldorf--Children benefit from the stability and predictability of the following of rhythms and recognition of seasons.
    --Being out in nature is good for children.

Montessori--Children often have high intellectual capacity from young ages.
     --Children should learn to take care of themselves and their belongings.

Thomas Jefferson (Leadership) Education--Every field of study has it's "classics" and to become educated in a field best you should use the classics.

Charlotte Mason--Young children should have short lessons (about 20-30 minutes).
   --Books should not be boring.

Classical Education--All areas of study are explored three times--in it's basic facts as a young child, with more understanding of why as an older child, and finally as young adults learning application of ideas.  Each stage building upon what was learned as a younger child. 

Unit Study--Reading, writing, science, and math can be combined in meaningful ways focused around interesting topics.
     --- Education can easily include learners of different ages and abilities.

Literature-based--Good literature gives great jumping-off points for further study.

Unschooling--Children should be encouraged to find their own interests and given the opportunity to pursue them freely.
     --Children learn a lot even we are not "teaching" them. 

Of course it's important to remember that as much as any ideas may appeal to my tastes, I have to remember that it is actually my child who's tastes I should be deeply concerned with.  As all children are different I expect tastes and aptitudes may be different with each of my children.  So although it would be nice to join a "club" of homeschooling purists in some philosophy or another--I think once again I will simply avoid labels, reserve the right to think for myself, and probably have less friends because of it.  But of course the goal shouldn't be friends for myself--it should be about great education for my children. . . right?